


Why do I hate you

by stupid_stories



Category: The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Gay Panic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 08:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21250655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupid_stories/pseuds/stupid_stories
Summary: Theo tries to figure out why he hates Kotku so much.





	Why do I hate you

**Author's Note:**

> Tw? I use the q slur here so. This is written from the perspective of Theo so its his warped sense of life. My polish is a bit rusty excuse me.

_He fucking hated her._

Theodore Decker hated Kotku. He just did. And the worst part was he wasn’t completely sure why.

She had stole Boris from him. Taken his other half. He was alone now, only him and his dad and Xandra. They fought all the time now seeing Boris wasn’t around. 

She wasn’t good enough for Boris either. Kotku was an 18 year old street rat. Thin and had the worst wack ass hair ever. She wasn’t what Boris needed. As much as he needed someone to get high with, he also needs someone who understands his problems and is interested in the things he likes. Theo briefly wonders if Boris had given Kotku the same treatment he had given him, sleeping in the same bed, learning Russian, weird political discourse. He then remembered that Kotku probably didn’t have enough brain cells left to process such information. 

That still didn’t explain why he felt so empty inside. He had seen other boys at school rejoicing when their best friend got a girlfriend. Theo was pretty sure that even if Boris had picked someone other than Kotku, he would have hated her anyways. Why did it feel like he had just got his heart broken?

What if he had gotten his heart broken? 

Ah shit. This is it again, Theo thought. He had been trying to process his weird jumble of feelings for the other boy for a while. They had fooled around once or twice, never speaking of it again. Theo always wondered if Boris had forgotten about what they did when they got too bored. Theo would never forget. He couldn’t possibly forget something that felt so good. 

That’s the problem is was so good. It was better than drugs and bread with sugar. It felt so fulfilling. 

Theo decided he couldn’t handle this anymore. He ran outside, grabbing a joint he stole. If Kotku was good for anything, she was good at always having weed. 

He lit it up. Smoking it until it was almost gone before chucking it in the dusty street. He wasn’t feeling good yet. If anything his heightened state just made him more sad and yearn more for Boris to be with him. 

Theo is reminiscing about one time after a pool swimming night, he had stole Boris’ shirt. He remembers the smell. Weed, glue and coffee. It wasn’t bad. He wondered if Kotku ever wore Boris’ shirts. He wondered if she knew about Theo.

Well, of course she knew about Theo. Boris’ had introduced them to each other. She just saw this puny little twerp. She however probably saw him as a threat to her beautiful Russian bad boy. So, she knew about Theo but did she _**really **_know about Theo. How her boyfriend and his so called “best friend” shared a bed every night, stole each other’s clothes and made out on rarer occasions. Did she see Theo as the repressed queer he was. I mean Kotku wasn’t straight, but having your boyfriend have a secret gay crush is a whole different issue. 

His mind continued to wander. Pondering over what if’s. Yearning for Boris. And a still present hatred for Kotku.

Fuck everything and everyone Decker was out of here. 

He went to the couch and started to fall asleep, picturing his best friends lanky, gangly arms wrapped around him. How warm he always was. He started to drift off until a sound entered his ears. 

“Potter are you asleep?” An all too familiar voice said. He didn’t respond. 

Boris climbed next to him on the futon. Soon those arms he loved were around him.

“Kochanie. Kocham cię!” Boris muttered.

Theo understood him and he felt so much better....


End file.
